Pastoral Care 2

Mission

         Monthly

THE TRUTH

Having looked last month at the three common myths that surround pastoral care, and exploded them, what can we say positively about this vital issue?

The pastor will find the need to provide two main types of care, and both are important: proactive and reactive.

Proactive care

Proactive care aims to tackle problems either before they arise or before they have grown to major proportions. Its motto is ‘prevention is better than cure’. Here are some areas of church life in which it can be practised:

• Preventative measures. It is obviously better to run thorough marriage preparation classes than to have to provide counselling after a divorce. Yet not enough churches take this aspect of pastoral care seriously. Marriage preparation classes, baptismal preparation, Bible studies on debt, special seminars for parents with babies, or on mid-life crises, should all be considered carefully.

• In life’s crises. All churches need to have in place structures of support to respond to crises. Bereavement, a miscarriage, a sudden redundancy – all these issues need a prompt, personal response from someone in leadership. I have found this works best where there is a small-group system operating and house group leaders can rapidly relay such vital information to the leadership. This is especially crucial where the crisis has left people shaken and confused. Pastoral care at these times is more about simply being there than about saying anything much.

• In life’s major events. Too often churches have put their people through an automatic production line experience when what they really needed was a hand-crafted, one-off event. We must work hard to personalise these great moments of human experience. We may know the wedding ceremony by heart but that’s no excuse for missing the heart of the wedding ceremony: love, relationship and partnership. It has been my policy for some time now to write to members of the congregation on their birthday and on special anniversaries. I find that this simple gesture evokes more expressions of appreciation than almost any other single token of care.

• Care for no reason Genuine love for people, and its expression in practical care, cannot be entirely expressed in a system – however sophisticated. You also need some plan by which ‘unplanned’ spontaneous expressions of care can be organised. I don’t tell my wife I love her only on her birthday or on our wedding anniversary. I don’t need a ‘reason’ – I tell her because it’s true. Genuine love will result in the occasional phone call to a church member, just to say ‘I’m praying for you’ or ‘Thanks for all you do’, or even ‘How are things?’ Keep on the lookout for ways to express support and concern.

• Through maintaining good relationships. The very best pastoral support flows out of good relationships. A house group leader with a dozen people to look after can work at building friendships with the group, and among the group members. We must encourage people to develop transparent relationships with each other, so that they can offer meaningful support to each other. House group leaders, in turn, need someone to offer ‘pastoral care through friendship’ to them. Deep relationships should be cultivated at every level of church life.

Reactive care

It is important to recognise the limits of proactive care. Inevitably, we are also going to be involved in reactive care. There is so much need in any community that we must put a significant onus on the congregation to ask for the help they need rather than go along with their assumption that church leaders have the most incredible gifts of discernment.

• Clarify the ‘system’. It is important that people know how to ask for help. Should they phone? Write you a letter? Catch you after church? Go to the home group leader first? Most congregations will not be comfortable with reactive pastoral care unless they know exactly who they should approach and how. Whatever system you devise, it should be communicated to people (and reviewed) regularly.

• Provide specific opportunities. It is sometimes helpful to provide particular opportunities for people to seek help. Some pastors set aside a whole Saturday once every three months and invite anyone who wants to talk about anything to come for a personal conversation.

Pastoral care must be both proactive and reactive if the people of God are to be ‘shepherded’ adequately.

(first published in The Baptist Times April 2011)