A church for the family

There are two big issues that face any church when dealing with the family, and the bigger a church becomes, the more these issues can be a problem. The first is: to what extent are the meetings we put on, as a church, undermining rather than enhancing the family's togetherness? And the second is: are we trying to help the family as a whole, recognising that we have the children for an hour or so each Sunday and the parents have them for the rest of the time? We will deal with the first question this month, and the second one next.

Meetings, meetings, meetings.... Somehow, local churches must take a step back from all these meetings and analyse their effectiveness.  The pressure on modern family life must be eased to allow time to be together.  The meetings (indeed the whole structure of meetings) of many churches began life in a totally different ‘world’.  That ‘world’ had no television, little disposable income, local employment and very limited access to transport.  The 21^st century provides for some high quality entertainment and information without leaving the home, often two or more cars in the driveway and work some way away.  Late arrival home means there’s not much spare time left in the week. We must take these changes seriously or risk irrelevance.

Question your present practice

Once we have understood the world our church members live in, we can begin to plan our activities.  Ask yourself a number of questions.  For example:

·         Whose needs are we supposed to be meeting?

·         What are the needs of these groups?

·         Which of these needs should have priority?

·         Which of these needs do we have the resources to meet best?

·         Which of these needs can be met by other agencies?

·         Which of these needs can be met by other churches in the area or by the churches working together?

Such questions are vital because they not only help to describe the task but also to limit it.  No one church can accomplish everything with equal effectiveness, though many die trying!  In addition, the questions help to sort out what can be done (in practice) from what ought to be done (in theory) by trying to match the perceived needs with the actual resources a church has.  With restricted budgets, limited numbers of people and only a selection of the spiritual and natural gifts available, all local congregations have to choose between priorities.  Questions like these help us to know how to maximise the resources we have.  They also reveal areas of weakness.  This will help stimulate our prayer-life as we begin to ask God to release more of His wonderful resources for these additional areas of need.

We need to be able to give clear, brief answers to the following questions about each meeting:

·         Why does it take place?  (What are we expecting to happen as a result?)

·         What should it include (and exclude!)?

·         Who is it for?

·         Who is responsible for it?

·         How will it be maintained and developed?

Minimise family disruption

It is possible to minimise the disruption caused to family life because of meetings.  The overall number of meetings could be cut or the number of occasions people need to be away from their families could be reduced.  For instance:

•   Plan the church calendar in terms, giving a break from meetings between terms.  This tends to provide oases of relief from pressure and ensures two or three ‘fresh starts’ a year.

•   Don’t have a ‘three line whip’ on every church meeting.  Be selective.  Emphasise the voluntary nature of some meetings as well as the ‘mandatory’ nature of others.

•   Could more meetings happen on the same night?  If all the children’s activities happened on the same night parents would have less transporting to do, even if those activities had to be in different places.  Sometimes two committee meetings can run ‘back to back’.  People may prefer one night out rather than two, even if it’s a long evening.

•   Sometimes brief meetings can happen on the phone.  It can also focus the mind and so enable decisions to be made more quickly.

•   Avoid duplication. 

Remember that attendance at meetings should not be the measure of commitment.  People’s physical presence does not guarantee that they are committed to Christ and his church.  However, lack of attendance is sometimes a sign of diminishing support for the local body of believers, and their Lord.  People should want to meet together with other Christians not only because it is right but also because our meetings are interesting and meaningful.

(first published in The Baptist Times November 2010)